© 2018 by SCOPE and Sylviane G. James

The acceptance of our own ugliness is the beginning of healing

March 15, 2016


For most of us, truth seekers, spiritual travellers, the most challenging times in our life is and will always be when our relationships with others, whether it be our lover, parent, child, boss, or nation challenge our faith in human compassion, kindness, and fairness... not just in others but more importantly in ourselves!


We want a better world and our most profound hope is for these human qualities to finally prevail over aggression, anger, hatred and resentment.


The path to creating a better world, free of suffering and destruction is to start with making a better human being out of ourselves. As we take the first steps, we want to bring peace and love to ourselves, our beloved and the rest of the world.


Unbeknown are the demons and dragons awaiting us, disguised in the most common of people: our partner, our children, our parents, our boss or a stranger.


If the dynamic in a relationship has gone to aggression and hatred, there is a good chance for our own ugly side to have come to the surface too.


Whether we deny it, try and keep it under control, or manifest it... Anger, aggressive feelings, thoughts and sometimes behaviours in ourselves are the opposite of what our lives are all about: understanding, compassion and kindness. We hate ourselves for it!


We will question our faith in human nature, but more painful we will question our real ability and strength in becoming better more enlightened beings. We will fight and fall to our knees and weep.


These times of great challenges ask of us to stop and be still: acceptance of our own ugliness is the beginning of real compassion to ourselves first and then to others


Yes, we are all made of the same stuff. The good and the bad. When we can accept what the rest of the world judge as bad, as being ok, we have become wise.


We all have those destructive tendencies within ourselves. They are powerful forces that have had their place as primal forces of survival. Fear will awaken them... fear for our physical life, fear of losing what we believe is making us right and better than the other…


Transcending those emotions will ask of us to not judge but to be curious, interested and that will give you the strength to be honest with yourself and be clear and true. And ask the transformative questions:  What or who am i under those circumstances? Is it serving me, my growth and my loved one? Do i suffer because of it psychologically and physically? Is it serving the planet and our evolution? No matter what is your answer, you need to start looking at it from a wholistic place! Try and understand it and then make the decision whether you want to be “that” or not… if not, then who do you want to become? The transformation stage is very much a journey with the help of strategies and skills that you might need to develop along the way but you have the power for transformation , you just need to access it and implement it.


And you will keep moving despite the sense of failure sometimes, despite the sense of powerlessness because our transformation does not rely just on our will power but on the unshakable faith that compassion and kindness, understanding and acceptance are the way.


Faith is not a religious attribute as such. It is the pillar for peace, love and contentment to exist as part of our deepest truth not as a dogma.


How can one uncover the secret of this unshakable, yet gentle, force that can dissipate in its softness our own urge for anger?


My many attempts and failures have bitten it many times to nothing but to resurface in other circumstances. In the end it is not the anger that we must condemn, anger is a human emotion, it is a cleansing process, what we need to look at is what feeds it and how it can transform into and out of control demon that no will power can tame.


That is acceptance of our human emotion , that is being kind to what we are and clear about the compassion we can have to ourselves, it is bu this mindfulness that is transformative , not the will to defeat anger.


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